The Moon in Beyquarius

File under “Late Nights Gettin Hella Philosphical”


It’s 2:18 AM. I forgot to close my blinds tonight and couldn’t sleep because the mostly full moon was shining intensely, brightening the room and eventually driving me from bed. I went to the window to sit and stare at the glowing satellite and I thought, you’re still so beautiful moon, even when you’re not full. And I guess we’re all like the moon, always whole, even when we’re not full. Alternately bright and dark. Never seamlessly one side, one way. Yet we all seem to strive constantly to appear somehow perfect: always happy, always succeeding, always having a real good time. It’s taken more than 3 decades for me to begin to see what a strange game of masks we’re all playing at when we behave like that, to understand that what is presented on the surface is more often a cover for what is within than a representation.


When Queen Bey sings “I woke up like this. Flawless.” We hear, I’m perfect. We’re all more inclined to believe in her apparent perfection than consider what kind of a shadow self a figure like Beyonce might possess. But even the ultimate woman/mother/partner/performer isn’t perfect and she knows it. She gets Jealous, and the pressure she feels to be Pretty Hurts. When I say I woke up like this, flawless, I want it to mean that however I woke up, quarter full, completely dark, is flawless. Every way that I am is the flawless expression of my self. Sometimes we fill up so completely with love and life that we shine extra bright and it feels so good we never want to stop shining. But that light wanes. It’s not a problem. We’re not in trouble. Just sometimes we are overcome by our own shadow. The trouble comes when we deny our own dark side, when we try to compensate and manufacture a false brightness. Like raising a lamp in the woods to replace the moon, when we can see perfectly well in the dark without it. It’s hard to trust yourself in the darkness, to stay quiet and still in it without terror. But the dark is not the home of monstrous evil, it is the deepest of wells from which we can draw knowledge and creativity. The dark is a place where we can come to know ourselves more fully. A while back, I learned from a wonderful teacher to keep in mind that we are not our thoughts, that we create our thoughts. This understanding helps me on the daily with letting go of habitual, negative thought patterns, and with calming the anxiety of self consciousness. In a way I think it is also an encouragement to live like the moon. To embrace waxing and waning cycles, the darkness and the light, of my own spirit.


I must also have a dark side if I am to be whole. (C.G. Jung)


Beyoncé – “JEALOUS” (Official Video) from Alexander Hammer on Vimeo.

I looooooove this video. Dang it, I love all the videos!