Ways to NOT Relax #1: Have an Opinion, Put it on the Internet

Sooooo, I recently received some politely offended feedback on my recent post about Quidditch playing university students and the affront they presented to my refined sensibilities. I even got called out for thinking I’m tough for punching a celery stalk. (For the record, I am super tough). Overall, this has proved a couple of vague hypotheses that I have been working on:

1) The Internet is a kind of mirror. Perhaps in their sweet little hearts the Quidditch folks feel that their sport is not well-respected outside of their community, so when they look online, what do they find? My irrational venom towards their goofball pastime. While over here, I have a paralyzing tendency to see all sides of a situation with empathy (“gasp! impossible!” yell the Quidditchers). This makes putting strong opinions on the Internet really difficult, because giving offense is anathema to me. So when I experiment with being opinionated and over the top, what happens? A bunch of innocent milquetoasts start getting mad at me.

Zzzzzaap!!

2) People engaged in fantasy play have zero sense of humour about what they are up to. This is applicable across the board, from Quidditch to LARPers.

People hate on the stuff I like to do, too. But if I went around posting wide-eyed and wounded responses to every person that said Ultimate is the gayest sport next to roller-blading, I would never get all my Burning Man costumes made in time!

Lighten up, you knuckleheads.

“My computer program is like a piano.”

Gorgeous, galactic early computer animations by John Whitney (via butdoesitfloat.com)

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Quiddouche

One way I like to feel old these days is by visiting a university campus. On a recent trip out to UBC to interview Vancouver band The Ruffled Feathers (you can read the interview here on Discorder.ca), I was confronted by some low-grade crimes against reason and good taste that had me WTFing the entire B-Line ride home.

Quiddouche

First: Grown-ass university students who play “quidditch.” Nothing gives me worse douche-chills than the idea of adults (or even teens, for that matter) running around pretending to fly on a broom and playing a game made up in a fantasy novel for kids. I arrived on campus late in the evening, so I didn’t see any actual players, but their signs were nauseating enough.

Hey You!!

Second: Health advice inside a vending machine. How is it, do you suppose, that these two things go together?

Healthy Choice

(Follow-up note: on a subsequent trip to UBC I was treated to the spectacle of an actual quidditch match. I didn’t get any good pictures because my hands were shaking so badly with laughter/queasiness)

(Further follow-up: I’ve been informed by the very helpful UBC quidditch community that what I saw was just a practice and not an actual match.)

I fought the slaw

I guess you could say I’m pretty tough.

19 till Infinity

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Shouts out to my first ever DJ crew, Jr Prom, and my partner in dance crime, Huub Von Rhonda (AKA DJ NO REQUESTS). 19 ∞ y’all!

WAYS TO RELAX #3: Chill the Fuck Out

There’s no reason to get freaked, so let’s all just calm down.

To all the bad girls out there

M.I.A. is back! I didn’t realize until I watched this that I missed the old girl…

M.I.A, Bad Girls from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.

WAYS TO RELAX #2: Treat Yo Self

This video is foundational to my life philosophy.

Welcome to the Age of Relaxing

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WAYS TO RELAX #1: Quit your job and drink Perrier every day

I think being a child in the 80s somehow branded me with the association between being posh and wealthy and drinking Perrier. Nowadays it’s always on sale at my corner grocery store and they make a great pink grapefruit flavour. Few things beat a free weekday with nothing to do but drink fancy fizzy water and type on the Internet.